smiling

"who am i?" we may ask ourselves at various points in our lives. We are strong, but only to a point. We have faith, and yet there may be doubts.
Our identity is a collection of beliefs, associations, and collective creation we are a part of with those we surround ourselves with.
sometimes we get separated from those close to us... and it leaves us wondering who we are without them.
sometimes it is hard to remember who we are, why we are here, and who we are meant to be.
today i have the ability to remember I have a purpose made only for me, a path i design with a higher part of my consciousness.
I am grateful for the time we spend here together. our purpose is to reach into our divine souls and develop bonding to each other.
i hope that we help one another to grow and evolve, and smile- as always.
~tara mihaly<
pic via facebook

ah, but for struggles

for some reason right now i feel deeply caught in struggle. i am tangled in a web of fear and hurting. i do not like this feeling. i want to let it go. at this very moment, i am wearing this same shirt, though this picture was taken last year, as time goes. i want to find the smile back inside of me, and strength and confidence and love and kindness...

i want to know that my journey is stirring a new path of miracles and hope. i want to believe this for all of those i may meet, and i want to believe this for all of those i love, and i want to believe this for me.
life is too short to feel broken.
may your spirit know peace, may your heart be free
<3

ah, but for the struggles, perhaps i would never have known how to live in the light of breaking free

in every sky

there is a rainbow in every sky, but we cannot always see it through the clouds and rain.
my choices have not always been choices that work for me. my visions have become clouded by doubt and fear and drugs and poor attitudes, attitudes that went against growth and life for me.
forces stronger than mine alone brought this gift of a rainbow to me and my children one day when i was not doing so well. what gifts life brings!
today i am trying my best to make decisions that support life, that work for me, and for my children. i am blessed to be here, and so are you.
may it always be so. may it always be so for you and yours.

"the soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears." ~minquass nation, native american proverb

aliveness

there is a feeling, a sense of genuine aliveness that comes to us when we are in a state of contentment with the world around us. it does not require money, it does not require 'things', it only arrives to us when we are experiencing peace.
Look around, when you are at this place inside, you FEEL the universe aligning with you. The truth is we are always in this state of alignment- we need only open our hearts to the feeling.
We are not broken beings, we are beings who seek to feel our wholeness in this space.

i took this picture a couple of years ago, when i was feeling peace. i looked around and right in the sky was the confirmation of the beauty always surrounding us.

amazingly graced

the fates decreed that i should still be living, through perhaps no great choice making on my own part. I have danced with my destiny in some of the grandest of styles. I have brilliantly choreographed some of the most amazing plans and achievements.
I do deserve to be on this side of the earth, not under, though no more so than anyone else walking along with me here.
I do believe we all are graced with this moment. I have to believe I have many tomorrows with better dreams.
We all have to hold our heads up and keep moving, keep dancing, no matter how difficult the path may seem.

And as my new friend on speakingtree, Nandita Sanyal, suggested, "Breathe in... and breathe out". Thank you, Nandita, for encouraging me. May we all be so lovingly reassured.

we all have a story

We all have a story. We all have dreamed many beautiful dreams. Many of us have suffered through nightmares. Some of us might be suffering a nightmare on this day.
We all have the opportunity to walk through our struggles. Either holding our heads up or falling into sorrow or shame. I say let's walk through it! Let's hold our heads up, and though we may feel tired, let's pull ourselves together and keep on walking our walks. The journey is not over- for we are still here. May we hold ourselves up and be strong.

If you see another in struggle- please offer them a smile. You might just save a life. Your spirit body will soar out to meet their spirit body, and their trudge may just become a little lighter.

Picture one of the most internationally recognized photos of the 20th century, "The Afghan Girl" by National Geographic Magazine.

quicksands

pic via 'pure from within' from facebook

i feel as if i have lost sight of my dreams and visions. my goals are shaky, my footing is insecure. i want to share with you this journey i am on. i want to be someone who not only walks through the fire, but does manage to get to the other side. i have certainly proven to all who have known me, that i am quite capable of dabbling in the quicksands of the world.
but i am more than just this one who has stumbled. i am one who has learned how to pick up the pieces and move along.
the hope shot? that perhaps my life will have had more meaning for all of it's twists and turns. perhaps i will say something to inspire you, or say something that will ripple out to someone else who really needs to hear it, and with this knowledge, we may continue to shape shift the world into a more loving, and less broken space.
my hope for this world?
that together we will leave behind, when we go, a space made more sacred by our presence.

broken

it's not that i do not feel broken. it's just that i want to believe with all of my heart, that i have a fighting chance anyway.
so i made this blog about being unbroken... not because i do not feel broken in ways. i feel hurt. i feel alone. i feel left out, and i even feel like giving up... but because i am still breathing, so i still have a chance to allow the process to make of myself a better world.


i found this picture on facebook, source unknown

dreaming and believing

so i guess a blog is for someone with 'expertise' to share their knowledge. i have learned a lot in my life, but i have struggled with a lot of lessons also.
the toughest thing i have had to face is dealing with my own limitations. i cannot dabble in substances and get away with it without facing serious, powerlessness and unbelievable consequences.
i cannot thwart the system and walk away scot-free. i am not going to ever be a success if i do not get focused and remain steadily hardworking and producing brilliance we all are born with, and which i was gifted with plenty of.
all of the potential in the world will not make my dreams come true, if i do not MAKE it happen.
i can.
i have to also honestly face what i am capable of doing.
although i have been homeless, broke, poor, addicted, suicidal, up, down, and all around, i can make it.
anyone you may know or love who is lost out there CAN come back. you can too.
we are dreamers and doers. we can make anything happen in this world that we want to make happen... and we will.
expert? i do not know, but i am a believer, and i hope you are too.
may all of your dreams come true!

Love Them Anyway

Mother Teresa's Love Them Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.


What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

"If" by Rudyard Kipling

the following is a poem written by rudyard kipling:

If If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too: If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream---and not make dreams your master; If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim, If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same:. If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings, And never breathe a word about your loss: If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much: If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son! Rudyard Kipling

when i lost sight of who i am meant to be

picture via maria magdalena matal

when i lost sight of who i am, who i am meant to be, i lost my ability to participate or be a part of this world. i lost my dreams, i lost my music. i could not reach back into my soul and find the person i was born to be. i could not touch her hopes,i could not belong inside of her.
drugs took me away from all i ever loved. i came to believe that i did not belong in this world, and that i would be doing a favor to those who were burdened with knowing me, if i were to step out of this world.
everything became gray. i could see no color. nothing of this world held life to me, there was no shine. there was certainly no vibrancy within.
i could not shake the feeling. i 'deserved' to die. i 'owed it to my family' to stop hurting them with my addiction and horrible choices. it was not 'fair' that i should continue, because i could not stop the behavior. i could not quit.
...and so i attempted to take my own life.

it is through the determination of great beings here and beyond this world that i survived. i lay in a coma for 9 days. all of my organs shut down. my heart stopped several times, my lungs collapsed, my kidneys went into failure. i was put on life support. the doctors told my family that only time would tell.
i eventually woke. my brain was injured. i had to learn to talk again, and walk again. i still struggle sometimes to make my sentences come out right. my brain had to rewire itself in order for messages to be sent appropriately again. i think they work okay now, i will never know if it is back to 'normal'.
i like to think that i came away with some gifts from the experience. like sometimes when i am really listening i can feel another music, feel the brushtips of angels wings, rustling right through me, when i encounter profound types of beauty and deep truth.
i have found that i still can fall into the horrible realm of addiction, if i am not careful. i still can go against the grain of my being, i still can fail.
i still think i have been gifted with another chance at life for a reason. i think i have many great things to come in my life. i have purpose. i have grown from a kid with all the talent and potential in the world that one can hope for, into an adult with purpose.
i still just have to step back and remind myself sometimes. i am meant for more than this, we all are.
I have to remember how in that coma state i was drowning, i could not reach the surface, i could not reach my music. this is not a state i want to ever be in again. i do not belong there. being here is a gift, i must cherish.
blessings

The Tarot

so, i am an oil painter, this was my first oil painting, a self-portrait. my brother taught me to take my art to the canvas. i am forever indebted...what peace applying art to the canvas brings!
i need to express myself with words and art. it allows a release to me as well as being extremely fulfilling. at the end of the expression i have the words too read or the art to observe. there is an intensity, an amplification, if you will, to life itself when arts are created!
art allows us to express what mere words cannot convey...
i do love tarot reading as well, my mother got me my first deck when i was around 12 years of age. i began actively reading around the age of 16.

"The Tarot", oil on canvas 28 inches by 36 inches.

the tirmana

detail of one of my oil paintings, "the tirmana"

I did this painting when I was experiencing a lot of turmoil. i have experienced the death of many loved ones, and in this phase of my life, i was grieving. a beautiful thing happened though, and the ghost image appeared in the painting. I brought her.
no matter what we are going through in life, the soul of the soul beckons. our life force, our ether, continues... she is the soul of the soul. she stays as witness to all of the changes.
she remains unbroken.
<3

the gift

the real gift we can offer the universe is to be in tune with one simple truth;
everything, EVERY thing that comes to us in this world, no matter how it is disguised, is a gift... a gift for us to realize and be grateful for.

source

Go beyond, go back to the source, go to the self that is the same whatever happens. -- Nisargadatta

torment

there are so many of us who have had torments and sorrows. being human makes us susceptible to griefs, losses, loneliness, and pain.
...but there is something deeper in us that can survive anything we may go through in this world. this deeper space, this inner strength...comes from the unfettered parts of our spirits, the unbroken.

described by my love as "the voice of our conscience, the small, the whisper voice- that is god, right there. sometimes it is a long way from our minds to our hearts."

you don't have to stay a broken girl

I will soothe you and heal you.I will bring you roses. I too have been covered with thorns.
~rumi

we hang on, because this is the only way sometimes we can come out of our sorrow. we keep hanging on through suffering, and we come back into light and love. No part of life ever stays in shadow, we only need to keep hanging on. The light will come. Watch! Can't you see it rising?

so i have been many times to the ocean, lived at the ocean, flown over oceans and sat by the ocean. if any of you have ever been to the ocean, you probably know how profound an experience it can be.
i plan to have my children at the ocean in the next few weeks. they are aged 4 and 6, and ii have had them at the ocean many times already.
this picture i took off of the island San Salvador in 2003, i believe. it is thought to be where columbus first landed. the taino indians, part of the larger ethnic group, the carib, inhabited the island back then. being there was a beautiful experience.
i have traveled some tough paths, made more challenging by some of the choices i have made. but i have been gifted with so many beautiful experiences, so many wonderful travels, feeding the natural gypsy who dwells in my soul.
i look forward to this upcoming trip to the ocean. i NEED some ocean. few places on the planet offer such a vast scope of healing made possible by just placing oneself in such space.
i hope i make it to the ocean, and sit with my angels there.
i hope you get to where your peace flows within you, wherever you are.

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."
~Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Ah, i must say, i am a good one for getting caught in frustration and falling out of the wonderful habits of positive thinking, when i feel like it just isn't working. My efforts seem to accomplish little to nothing, over and over again. In some circle, these feeling are referred to as 'The Fuck Its', and I get them, in all of their inescapable glory.
I am the type of person who cannot afford to fall into the eternal abyss of these negative feelings. It is a slippery slope for me, and I've burned myself out with the trying, rebuilding, over and over again- what feels like to no avail.
When i get to feeling this way I have to remind myself that the only way out is up. I am unbroken. I may be tired, I may even be exhausted, but i am NOT broken. I have to reopen the channels to that part of me which remains unbroken, no matter what.
You have in you a part which is protected, a part that is safe and strong, a part that remains unbroken, no matter what

Oh, beautiful one, if only you could see how your presence blesses the world around you. I myself am blessed to have known you.

This poem hung on the wall in our kitchen while i was growing up in Akron, Ohio. I grew up in a very positive, loving environment. Both of my parents were hard workers and our morals and values unquestionably were geared with a loving regard toward the rest of humanity. I was fortunate to not have some of the traumas or hardships that some people have had to endure.
Life brings to us such challenges sometimes. The world shifted, I grew up. Things that happened to my world kind of felt shattering to me. A lot of my own choices made it even worse. I am merely human, so I do not mean to beat upon my self over it, only to say that I chose a more challenging path than most.
Ironically, I would love to believe that this gave me the opportunity to be a more beautiful person, or at least more capable of helping the suffering of others. Sometimes no word of encouragement or pep talk can uplift another. Sometimes I just need to revert back to the old tried and true adage: and 'REST IF I MUST, BUT JUST DON'T QUIT'
So wherever you are, and whatever you are going through, don't worry, you will be alright. Just don't quit, give yourself another chance, or ten, if need be. You are worth it.

make no mistake, one of the biggest parts of any healing we may do in this world is contingent upon our relationships with others. because you are with me, i feel like i can walk through this. some things in life are just too difficult to walk through alone.

thank you, my brother, for sending this link to me, and for standing beside me no matter what the trials and tribulations i faced.

pic by artist tony sorsdahl

keep on the sunny side of life!
i try to maintain a positive outlook. at the end of the day, no matter what it is we are going through, we are going to be okay. even situations that seem painful and intolerable come to an end. we move on, and we go to the next lesson or space where we need to be for our development.
smiling feels better though, than frowning. looking up seems more enriching than looking down.
so please hold your head up and smile, a beautiful day arises!

rise above your sorrows, beautiful one... blossom wherever you are

we are very sensitive, fragile little beings. we need love, we need healing. little parts of us may get to feeling broken sometimes. i find myself sometimes feeling fragmented or disconnected, followed by feelings of low self-worth. i've certainly made my share of mistakes.
i am only human, and perhaps not one of the greatest beings walking this earth at this time. we all need to remember our fragility, be gentle with ourselves and one another. we are only here a short time.
so if you pass somebody looking down, try to offer a little encouragement. from me to you: pick your head up! you are beautiful. if nobody told you yet today that they love you, i love you.
have a lovely, peaceful evening, or day, wherever you are!
~tara

sometimes we all need healing, and it may come from unexpected sources. the most beautiful source is the healing that comes from within, when we get in touch with the part of us deep inside which is untouched by the pain of the world. we are the greatest healers when we attune ourselves with core.
we all have core. we all have source. i honor this space within you. that space within me senses that space within you, and spirit bodies float out from each of us and meet halfway, honoring that within each of us.
namaste... i remember. it is wonderful to see you once again, my friend. we are unbroken.

I pray for one last landing
on the globe that gave us birth
let me rest my eyes once more upon the fleecy skies
and the cool green hills of Earth.

let the sweet fresh breezes heal me
as they rove around her girth
of our lovely mother planet
of the cool green hills of Earth.
we rot in the molds of venus
we retch at her tainted breath.
foul are her flooded jungles,
crawling with unclean death.
let me breath unrationed air again,
where there's no lack or dEarth.
as we stand upon the harsh bright soil of Luna,
all eyes turn to see the Earth.

We stand upon the dead, red soil
breathing deep the cold thin air.
Ancient Mars, your visions take us in,
but still we seek worlds fair.

The hills and fields of Ganymede,
her sky filled by father Jove,
yet still thses sights don't satisfy,
and farther still we rove.
Yes, out we go, the race of man,
to Saturn's rainbow rings,
yet the frozen night of Titan,
makes us think upon some things.
We've tried each spinning space mote,
and reckoned their true worth.
Take us back again to the homes of Men,
on the cool green hills of Earth.
The arching sky is calling
Spacemen to their trade.
"All Hands! Stand By! Free Falling!"
And the lights below us fade.
Out ride the sons of Terra,
far drives the thundering jet.
Up! leaps the race of Earthmen,
out far, and onwards yet.
We pray for one last landing,
on the globe which gave us birth.
Let us rest our eyes on fleecy skies,
and the cool green hills of Earth.

~Lazarus Long (Robert Heinlein)

we are 'sensitives'. our hearts are so vulnerable. we are soft little beings, so it is an imperative that we be gentle with every being we encounter. we must offer kindness... after all, kindness IS who we are.
sending my love out to the universe
may we be forever kind

will we?
i know how hard i have struggled, and how difficult living has been for me. though i have a great zest for life, i have chosen a path with tough obstacles- perhaps trying to avoid the harsh realities life has thrown my way. oddly, i have taken a path thinking it was of least resistance, and just managed to make it harder on myself and those i care about in my wake.
why would one choose to be a tornado, when one loves the peace and tranquility of the softly floating sea?
my only hope is that i will have been offered a glimpse at deeper dreams through the tumultuous life i have chosen. even better, perhaps i will live long to make use of those dreams and maybe, just maybe, start actualizing at least a teeny tiny bit of my potential.
ah, we shall see

Lest We Forget

What is the unbroken?
When it comes to addiction, the unbroken is the inner strength source, the source behind our foundation; where dreams come from. This part within is terrified to pick up drugs again. Dreams of using make one wake up in a cold sweat. Deep inside, much deeper, in the recesses of the soul, we really do not want to use.
I know the part of me which must not be broken resides deep within. She survives all. She wants more than anything to live. She struggles against the enemies of life. She seeks not the suicide of addiction.

"What lessons do you need to learn now? What is the most important thing you can learn during this lifetime so that you can continue to grow and prosper? Trust." ~'Many Lives, Many Masters'

may we be so inspired : )

"In the midst of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer"
~Albert Camus

I found myself drained and lost in pain and sorrow, caught in the vicious web of addiction, yet unable to stop or change the horrific storm i was walking into. day after day i wandered, dying to stop the madness, unable to break free of the oppression addiction brings. my world had become gray. i had not the strength to change. i wanted to remove myself from this world. somehow i survived. what in me carried me through? what part of me remained unbroken, allowing me to come back to life, and wake back up to my true nature? this part of me is part of you. hold on and keep walking. never stop believing in the power of your dreams. all the world is aglow. miracles abound in this world. be one, for this is what you are meant to be. walk away from sorrow.
~tara mihaly

"In the midst of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus

sometimes life can leave us so uncertain... i have often found myself so lost out there. i am unsure why i have made such choices, though i do believe that every choice we make, whether it be a good choice or a poor one, leads to opportunity and makes available gifts we would otherwise not be privy to. may we ever know the gifts made available through our choices. may we accept the revelations, and be able to move forward to build our highest dreams.

it is perhaps a more fortunate destiny to have a taste for collecting seashells than to be born a millionaire.
~robert louis stevenson

May we be ever grateful for all that we have; For all that we may see or seem

Be gentle, for we know not what our fellow traveler must carry~ though they stand right beside us

How do we become survivors?
By Never, Ever, Ever giving up!

Even When it Hurts...

Be Unbroken

what makes us unbroken?
falling down, and getting back up
no matter how many times it takes.
we must be able to face our own limits...
if we walk to the edge of the cliff and jump off, we probably will not make it through
we need to really give ourselves due credit for what we are capable of...
ANYTHING WE CAN CONCEIVE OF

BE UNBROKEN

we are everywhere

just sayin...

"I looked at all the caged animals in the shelter...the cast-offs of human society. I saw in their eyes love and hope, fear and dread, sadness and betrayal. And I was angry. "God," I said, "this is terrible! Why don't you do something?" God was silent for a moment and then He spoke softly. I have done something," He replied. "I created you." ~The Animals' Savior Copyright Jim Willis 1999

We can heal ourselves, we can heal one another

choose to not live in a world of blame and pain...

for living in such a space would be a shame

compassion and forgiveness, for the self and for those we encounter on the path

make our worlds so much more endurable, and beautiful

may you know peace within

So the idea here is that perhaps we can come back from what appears to be unendurable suffering, a part of us can overcome any obstacle which comes our way. Where inside does this beauty reside? From what space does the seed shoot into being as the blossom, even when faced with mounds of concrete atop all chances?

Whatever weight it is you feel you are carrying, know that you may yet endure, and survive, and rebuild yourself again...

http://www.facebook.com/lovethemanyway

My creation of the "Love Them Anyway" page was inspired by my own experience with homelessness and struggles i have endured due to some of my choices in life's amazing journey. I made the page to honor the way others i met out there inspired me, and also in the hopes of encouraging others caught in their own downward spirals.
The whole real deal is sometimes we can get lost out there in the world, and it may not be easy to turn it around and stand back up. It may not be easy to feel good about the self through the process. It is imperative that we love ourselves back up onto our feet, and walk forward even through the darkest of times.

I hope this blog will bring comfort, even if not to many, at least to one- perhaps you

Heaven only knows, we all need a little love... and deserve it